Hello, my dear People. As I told before, with the spring came back my joy for life. Now I would like to share some pieces of my life with you. This joy of sharing also came back. In the winter time, I felt like I have nothing valuable to say. Now I know again, that whatever I say, might bring some value to somebody, even if it’s a just a tiny little bit of it. And even if it’s not bringing value to somebody else, it’s still bringing value to me, because I express myself. Yeeha! And then I feel joy and that brings value to everybody because there’s more joy in the world, even if it’s just a tiny little bit.
It goes the same with love. This is me and Jure. On the first of March, we celebrated 10 years of being together. Oh, my! 😀 We are in love again. You see, when you are together for so long, you sometimes fall out of love. You focus on other things, you have your own worries, you sometimes feel like shit and blame your partner for it. You sometimes get afraid of sharing your needs with your partner, because you shared them before and they weren’t met… You might start to think, what if this, isn’t it? What if is there someone out there who would suit you better? And you start to question and doubt and question and doubt. At least that was my case. And what I realised is, that when I feel this way, the Universe brings me more reasons to question and doubt. And when I decided, that I’m willing to go all in in this relationship, express my needs, listen to his, when I decided to see all the love he is already giving me and receive it, I fell in love with him again. (I’m kissing my own hand now, hehe, feeling love.). It’s almost overwhelming at times when I look at him and I see pure Beauty, a miracle of nature…”When did you become so beautiful?” I ask. And I know he has always been, I just didn’t see it. But instead of regret, I choose to be grateful I see it again.
So what did we do for our anniversary? We went for kebab (veggie version for me), laughed hard while watching a few episodes of New Girl, drank a bottle of red wine and had deep shit conversations for hours. It was beautiful.
Even though I was irritated at some point. He wanted to watch Dave Chappele, I wanted to watch a good movie. He doesn’t like movies, they are too long for him, I don’t always like to watch Dave Chappele, because there’s no subtitles and he is talking fast and so sometimes I don’t get a joke because I don’t properly understand what he says. I feel stupid then, when I’m asking Jure what he said, and another joke goes by while he is explaining it to me. Grrr, I don’t want that for our 10th anniversary.
But I also realised there was another thing that made me upset. You see, I had this picture in my mind that when that big number comes, we’re gonna be financially well of already and that we will go for a trip somewhere for at least two days or something. And then we didn’t even go to the restaurant, we were eating a kebab in our car!
But after that everything was perfect again as he was willing to watch New Girl 😀
And we have a story.
Oh, what I wanted to tell at the beginning of this paragraph is, that sometimes when we were hugging on the couch, doing nothing else, I would feel like we should be doing something more important. Like some big revolution, you know, something to make the world the better place! And this year it hit me again (some insights come back again and again, in cycles), damn, we are doing something for the world this way! If we sit on the couch and feel love, there is more love in the world at that very moment. That’s wonderful!
And you don’t even need to be in a relationship for this. Everytime you give yourself love and you are kind to yourself instead of being angry at yourself for whatever reason, you are doing something good for the world.
It seems a small thing, but as we say in sLOVEnian, “Zrno na zrno pogača, kamen na kamen palača” which could be translated to “Grain on a grain makes the bread, stone on a stone makes the palace.”
And as Tina said: “Love IS revolution”. I’m gonna put that on 3 Ptice tote bags.
Next: I’m doing little upgrades for 3 Ptice. Like these new stickers for the packages. Don’t worry, I have them in English too 😛 The name on the package is Eva Oeser. A beautiful girl who bought my organic cotton t-shirt and gave me a hug. This is something so beautiful to me, so magical. When there’s on both sides a big “thank you”. It makes me wanna say thank you over and over again.
My grandfather <3. One of the most loving people in my life. It seems like dementia started chasing after him. He did some stupid things lately like burned his hearing aid, screwed up the furnace and more. And his speaking changed from our dialect to archaic form of correct Slovenian, which is kinda funny.
Us together.
Yesterday we went to doctor’s office to clear his ears and we also got referrals for neurologist and psychiatrist, so I hope seeing these doctors will help to slow dementia down. Please, everybody who is reading this, keep your brains active by reading a lot, learn something new (learning languages is especially great for your brain), whatever necessary. If you are over fifty, do it even more. Exercise, meet new people, read books about philosophy… Changes in brains can occur 10 or 20 years before we can recognise dementia. Be active. Please.
I went to the cinema yesterday. I asked a bunch of my girlfriends if they wanna go with me but they couldn’t or weren’t interested. So I went alone, of course. As I was waiting for the ticket, there was another woman in front of me who came alone. One head smaller than me and almost fifty years older. There was still a half an hour left till the beginning of the movie and we both headed to the coffee house nearby. Every table was full, only the couch by the bar counter was still empty. I sat down and she sat on the green chair beside the couch. We started talking. She is a regular cinema visitor. She lives in the house with her husband (almost 50 years together), works around the house and in the garden every day, watches over her granddaughters, and besides that, she is expanding her social circle at knitting club at the university of the 3rd age, where she also attends class with exercises for brain. Her name is Justika. Oh, and she is doing yoga first thing in the morning and regularly visiting group exercise. Be like Justika.
After the doctor’s office, we went to the cemetery. Walking from one grave to another. It was like a trip through his memories. I couldn’t see the pictures in his mind, but I could see his expressions. He touched every grave marker with a name of a person he knew and there was no sorrow on his face, there were joy and a big smile and happy eyes like he was meeting old friends.
When we were driving back home, he was showing at the houses saying, “Here lives a kind woman! That man is a kind man! No, that woman isn’t kind. Ohh, good human lives there.”
You see, that’s what matters. I’m not saying we have to always be kind, we are only humans after all. Sometimes we have to say no, be assertive, etc. But still, sometimes all it takes is a smile.
A smile can go a long way even if we don’t know it. My friend works as a waiter and he is a very aware person. Yet he said once that his kindness sometimes doesn’t have an impact. I ensured him it does!
When I and Jure go for the groceries and come out of the store, I often say “I love this cashier, this one is my favourite!” He says I say this for every cashier, but it’s not true. Some really stand out! Some have a sparkle in their eyes. And this sparkle makes me sparkle too! I remember the day when I came to the shop irritated and hungry as fuck. And there was that cashier that since became my favourite. It was just “Good evening”, but the way she said it… Like she really meant it. I felt seen. I went out of the store happy.
So, it has an impact. We might not always know it does, yet it does anyway.
Delicious pasta with smoked tofu.
Another thing. I’ve been vegetarian for a half of my life and lately, I am switching to vegan. I only cook vegan meals now. There was one exception past weekend. Jure brought cheese I always loved. The one from Croatian Pag Island. So I made sure it was gone asap so I could go back to vegan, haha. It seems like he is doing it on purpose. Also bringing sweets with milk chocolate more often now. Grrr. I called him out on this. “I love when you bring me chocolate, but please, bring me a dark one next time.” So, these are my setbacks. But still, I decided to be kind to myself in this process and not complicating it too much for my environment for now.
Speaking of environment, I’m cutting the grapes around the house I live in now. And working in the garden. Damn, this is fun. I always knew I’m gonna have a house with a garden, but I didn’t imagine this so soon. I mean, I thought I’m gonna enjoy working outside when I’m old. Either I’m old already or I just surprised myself in a positive way. I love how quickly you see you did something, but at the same time, you know you have to wait for the results. It’s such a metaphor for business.
Business? Yep! Coffee, tea, smoothies. I am happy that I work from home again. And that I have a dishwasher.
I enjoy working again. It’s fun! I feel lucky. Proud of myself. Grateful for my customers. Full of ideas. Oh my god, it’s just the best.
Feeling this word game of mine again: “Svet je svet”. Which means “The world is sacred.” Ah! <3
Two days ago I was playing a bit with taking pictures. I always felt like I’m bad at photography. But that day I was really enjoying it and pics came out pretty well! Feeling motivated now. It’s possible for me to take better pictures!
On this one is the hand painted bag of mine, a pack of fertilizer from Slovenian brand Organics Nutrients and that bag with apples and bananas is from another Slovenian eco-friendly brand called Re.Vrečka. You can find it on Etsy as well! Re.Vrečka bags are for vegetables and fruits you buy in the shop and put them in a plastic bag otherwise. Not anymore. These bags are recycled from used curtains and I encourage you to buy a few. You can put price stickers on them. And at the cashier, you put everything in 3 Ptice canvas tote. Sounds like a plan, don’t you think?
Well 3 Ptice and Re.Vrečka are also planning something for you. Stay tuned.
How you make your money is much more important than how you make it. -Gary Vaynerchuck
Another one I plan to write on a tote bag. You see, I sometimes feel like a loser, because I’m not financially where I want to be yet. Because I still have debt. And even though I paid off around 2000€ of debt in 2016 while having a hella good time and even traveling a bit, I acquired another 1000 and something during last few months when I was in hibernation. But I decided that instead of beating myself up for letting that hibernation thing happen to me again, I’m going to look at this from a different perspective.
I’m gonna be grateful I recharged my batteries and my spirit. I’m gonna be grateful for all the things I figured out. I’m gonna be grateful for all the changes I made because I was sick of everything (I already see those changes were good for me). I’m gonna be grateful for all the research I’ve done. I’m gonna be grateful for all the tears I’ve cried because I made space for joy. I’m gonna be grateful for all the social anxiety and lack of sense I felt because this way I can understand others who are also going through this. And because I helped myself out of it, I can maybe inspire somebody else too, that is possible. That is possible for overthinkers and introverts and depressed people to start loving themselves and the world again. If I can go from being like Adam in Only Lovers Left Alive back to Eve, then you can too.
So, what I am really proud of is that almost every cent I ever made was made doing the things I believe in. At the beginning of the last year, I was receiving social support. It’s for those who are active job seekers. But I didn’t want a job. And I could not make myself to write job applications just for a sake of social support. Some people thought my behavior is stupid, leaving money on the table, because of my principles. But my business started improving because I followed my principles.
Well, I don’t always follow my principles. Sometimes I listen too much to other people. Sometimes I get scared that I’m not doing it right. Sometimes I compare myself too much to others. Sometimes I want people to like me and I say yes to something that feels like no. Sometimes I don’t dare to show myself because I fear criticism. Sometimes I don’t dare to show myself because I’m afraid that I’m gonna change my mind later and gonna feel like a hypocrite. Sometimes I let in things people say about me or the way I run things that I shouldn’t let in. But I try my best. And thank god, as the spring comes after the winter, I for sure come back to myself sooner or later.
And as I started coming back to me, my customers also started coming back to me again. What a joy, what a gratitude!
You see, I was so scared, I felt a lot of shame, because some people said to me, that prices of my products are too big. I know it was in an attempt to help me, at least from their perspective. They said I’m not known enough to have such prices. (Gosh, I feel scared while writing this). But known or not, I deserve to live well from doing what I love, I said. Because when I do what I love and I am able to live from doing it, there’s more love in this world. There’s more abundance in this world as well.
But I got scared again. What if I am manipulating people? They are buying things they probably don’t need. And they could get similar stuff cheaper elsewhere. What if I am doing something bad taking money from them? I went tripping through my subconscious with this to find a solution.
And it hit me. I’m not manipulating. That would mean my customers are stupid. And I know they are not. Those I got a chance to know better are really smart and besides that loving and caring people. (Just yesterday I saw Katarina in cinema, a girl that bought a t-shirt two days ago from me. The movie we were watching was “Suffragette”. It made me incredibly happy that people like her are buying from me. People who dare to think and who dare to feel.)
So I’m not manipulating (I hope!).
We are co-creating.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thank you for your trust, thank you for your (hard or easy earned) money and thank you for your precious time for reading this.
But you love books and deep shit conversations anyway, don’t you? 😛
This handpainted tote bag is waiting for you in my Etsy shop.
Love, Anita
With Love,
Zdi se mi da sem kar zletela skozi ta post, zgodilo se je vse, od tega da so se mi oci orosile, pa do smeha in prikimavanja… 😀
Ubistvu sploh ne vem kaj tocno zelim zdaj reci, vem samo da si ta post zasluzi pohvalo ali dve, predvsem za iskrenost in za nekaj zivljenjskega in v koncni meri pozitivnega. Kako super te je bilo prebrati in se poistovetiti skozi mnogo tvojih besed. Res je, vse, cisto vse ima svoj vpliv. Bodi prelepo! 🙂
Hvala ti, Nina! Veeelik objem! ❤