I have a dirty little secret

Published Categorised as Collaborations, Personal, Self development

Well, it’s not so dirty… Or is it? I don’t know. I just know I’ve been making such a big deal out of it in my head for most of my life… I was so ashamed of it that I didn’t dare to tell anyone about it. Unless I  really really trusted them. And yes, I had a lot of trust issues as well.

It was such a big deal for me, that I could tell my boyfriend Jure for it only after 2 or 3 years of our relationship. And I told him other secrets of mine before this one. I don’t remember anymore what those other secrets were, but it was probably something with guys, haha, I’m not sure.

So, what is this thing?

Tu du du dum.

I have fungus on my toenails.

For most of my life already.

It’s been in the family.

I know it’s connected with some toxins in the body, something is not in the balance.


But I felt like a bad, dirty person, for having fungus.

Even though I have good body hygiene.

Quite good, I think.

I remember that every winter I decided I’m gonna sort this shit out before the summer, take care of those nails of mine, put things on them. But then I was always too lazy. Doing it for few days in a row and then I forgot about it.

When the time for sandals came, I made sure that I had nail polish on my toenails.

Or I wore sneakers. Which probably made the case worse.

If you believe in mind-body and emotions connection (I believe that whole body is a brain), you might find it interesting what Louise L. Hay has to say about fungus on feet (it’s also called athlete’s foot).

Athlete’s foot: Frustration at not being accepted. Inability to move forward with ease.
Affirmations: I love and approve of myself. I give permission myself to go ahead. It’s safe to move.

Well, considering the fact that I felt like an outsider for most of my life and my guilt issues around moving forward (I was afraid that if I move forward I’m gonna hurt people who choose to stay at the same place), this could hold water.

When I went firewalking few weeks ago, I decided to throw this into fire. The feelings of not being accepted. And fungus on my toes. After all, I cannot make everybody love me and accept me, but at least I can love and accept myself the way I am. And I can start improving things in my life from the place of love, because I wish myself good, instead of constantly improving myself because of feeling that something is wrong and dirty about me and trying to hide it.

The day after firewalking, I received gift voucher for pedicure from my cousin who has a cosmetic salon. “Shit,” a voice in my head said. I will have to share my dirty secret with another person? I decided to start taking care of this. I sanded fungus from my nails as much as possible and started putting garlic and coconut oil on them. I went to the town the same day with sandals. Without nail polish.

Surprise, no one run after me screaming to everybody that I have fungus and that I should be ashamed, ahaha.

I told my childhood best friend about it. She is still my friend, hehe.

Yesterday I told another person. He said I should bath my feet in salted water. And give nice attention to my nails.

Today I had a meeting about possible collaboration connected with food supplements. The ingredients are from herbs and seaweeds, something that I trust, but the business model is network marketing. Something I have been a little suspicious about. You know all of these people trying to get you into something through facebook messages? C’mon, don’t waste my time + eye roll. But I knew that person from before from a form of therapy I’ve been attending and I decided to give her a try. She actually contacted me few months ago, but my body reaction was “No.” Maybe because she is a really strong person and I was a bit afraid of her. Through past few months I realised that I am a pretty strong person too (coaching, EFT, observing life helped me with this). And when we were talking yesterday on facebook, my body was saying yes. I felt excited to meet her. So we met today.

And damn, she was convincing 😀 With all the great success stories and scientists behind it. Plus some form of feng shui called bazi which showed the things I noticed myself through being in tune with nature and myself. Quite interesting.

But. Of course. If I’m gonna go into something, I have to know myself that thing works.

So I decided to have a little experiment. I asked her what helps with fungus and she recommended that thing called LTE with Norwegian kelp which is some seaweed. And capsules are vegan, thank god, I hate when capsules are made of gelatin (I mean, people trying to sell things with b12 to vegans in gelatin capsules).

I have to admit that my blogger ego expected she is going to give me this capsules for free, haha. Well, I bought them. Which is a plus, so I can be honest. And make sure I actually take them, if I invested money already.

So, here is my plan of restoring my toenails back to health:

  1. I’m gonna take those capsules as prescribed, and of course, with respect I have for the things I put into my body (if you respect food, food respects you back I heard a wise man saying once to me when I noticed him talking to the food he was putting on his plate).
  2. I’m gonna continue putting garlic and coconut oil on my toenails.
  3. Maybe I’m gonna give my feet some salty bath. I’ll try my best.
  4. I’m gonna be more aware of how amazing my feet are for taking me wherever I want to go. And continue my practice of feeling myself in my whole body.

I’m gonna keep you posted.

One month should be enough, what you think?

Oh, also. I already eat quite healthy for mosts people’s standard. And I don’t have problem with weight or something. But I still smoke cigarettes (I quit two times this year already, haha), drink at least a cup of coffee every day, sometimes more and occasionally I drink alcohol. I walk every day for the pleasure of connecting with nature (and because of my dear dog, of course), however, I sometimes feel I should start running or something, to sweat a bit more.

In case you are interested in those supplements and cannot wait a month or so for me to finish the experiment, here is my affiliate link, which means I’m gonna get a percentage if you buy them through this link. But you can wait that I try them out first, of course. There are also products for weight-loss (I’m fine with my weight but maybe not everybody who reads this is) and diabetes and better sleep, but check it out yourself, I cannot talk from experience yet, so I won’t.

vitaleaf lte nrc supplements

I bought this one with brown algae Norwegian kelp and I got six sample capsules of NRC – night recovery complex which consists of valerian, passion flower, ashwagandha and brown algae.

Ready to take my first dose before I go to bed.

Oh, yet another thing. I took pictures of my fungus toenails today, but I’m not completely ready to post them yet. If you really want to see them, send me the message (: They are not as scary as most of the things you see on the web.

Otherwise, 3ptice.etsy.com shop with my eco-friendly accessories works as usual.

Still feeling a little bit strange about posting this (perhaps because I’ve been hiding it for years), but I probably wouldn’t feel strange if I had migraine every day or something, so why should I worry, eh?

Did you ever feel ashamed of something and when you finally started talking about it realised it’s not even such a big deal?

With Love,

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By Anita Puksic

Full time human being. With whole heart and brain devoted life coach for artists, entrepreneurs and visionaries, that are ready to release their heavy baggage and start living as they always believed deep inside IT IS POSSIBLE, especially for them. anita@anitapuksic.com

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