Worrier –> Warrior –> Joyier

Hello, people! Long time no hear! But I’m still alive and kickin’ it. Or not.
I have quite of a rollercoaster lately. Few hours of euphoria per day and few hours of depression and ‘what the fuck is wrong with me?!’. Blues blues blues.

You know, 3 Ptice will celebrate 2 years this Friday! And I fell in that lousy trap of thinking where I should be in two years and thinking what I did wrong, because I’m not there yet (found 100 reasons). Also, the money situation got a bit tight, I was having such a ball of fear and dissapointment in my stomach. + Thinking if I should continue with 3 Ptice or I should quit everything. Which I don’t want to. I was on the edge of tears quite often.

Pozdravljene, Ptice! Dolgo se nisem javila na blogu. Ampak sem še vedno živa in v elementu. Ali pa ne.
Zadnje čase sem spet bila na enem vlakcu smrti. Zelo gor, zelo dol. Par ur evforije in par ur depresije ter ‘kaj za vraga je narobe z mano?’. Blužnja, blužnja, blužnja.

3 Ptice bodo ta petek praznovale svoj drugi rojstni dan! In jaz sem zapadla v to bedno razmišljanje, kje bi že morala biti v dveh letih in kaj sem vse delala narobe, da še nisem tam (našla 100 razlogov). Pa še s kešem je začelo it bolj na tesno. Imela sem tako kepo strahu in razočaranja v trebuhu. Pa še vso to razmišljanje, če naj nadaljujem s Tremi Pticami ali naj vse ukinem. Česar si ne želim. Ja, kar pogosto sem bila na robu joka.

Thanks God for my dear Mr. Boyfriend! What a man! He was listening to me and hugging me and giving me bunch of awesome advice, things I needed to hear! + He is finally taking some steps towards his dreams and he talks so joyfully about them, thinking aloud about which steps should he take first… And he is telling me, that he’s inspired to make something on his own because I did! He was really such an inspiration to me this past days. And a healer. He is that person in my life to whom I don’t have to prove anything. He loves me the way I am (most of the time :P) and this helps me to go back to loving myself the way I am. And when I love myself the way I am, I’m in the flow and I enjoy life. And you know that good things are happening when you enjoy life,don’t you?

Hvala Bogu za mojega dragega Jureta! Kakšen moški! Poslušal me je in me objemal in mi dal kup odličnih nasvetov, točno takšne, kot sem jih morala slišat! Pa še on je zdaj končno začel delati korake proti uresničitvi svojih sanj…in tako radostno govori o njih, na glas razmišlja, o vrstnem redu korakov. Pa še meni govori, da sem ga navdihnila, da si tudi on želi naredit nekaj svojega. Res me je navdihoval te dneve. In zdravil! On je ta oseba v mojem življenju, ki se ji ne rabim dokazovat. Ker me ima rad takšno kot sem (skoraj vedno :P) in to me potem vodi k temu, da se imam tudi sama raje takšno kot sem. In ko se imam rada, sem v toku in uživam življenje. Saj veste, da se nam dobre stvari dogajajo, ko uživamo življenje?

So, yes. I am resolving my need to prove myself to myself, to my family, to people who believe in me and to those who don’t, especially to those, hah. Yes, I figured out how much under pressure am I because of this. And it is robbing me of joy and actually puts the success out of my reach.

Tako da ja, razrešujem se potrebe po tem, da se želim nenehno dokazovat. Sama sebi, svoji družini, ljudem ki verjamejo v mene in tistim ki ne (še posebej tem, hah). Ja, res sem ugotovila, kako sem pod pritiskom zaradi te potrebe, da se že enkrat dokažem. In to me potem ropa užitka, s čimer še samo bolj tiščim uspeh stran.
I was at yoga yesterday (actually, it’s a mix of yoga, tai chi, dancing, meditation…) and we did a little meditation while lying on the floor, opening our heart and solar plexus chakra with a visualisation. My visualisation was so vivid and joyful at the heart chakra, but when we came to solar plexus, it became quite hard to imagine, I couldn’t really imagine yellow (3rd chakra is yellow and it’s center of our personality). So much fear, complexes and trusting issues in this area. And then the coach came to me and she started to release the pressure of this area with her magic hands (she is also a masseuse). Oh my! It hurt so much! If I wouldn’t already believe that mind, emotions and body are connected, I would start to. I was just saying let it go to myself, it’s safe to let it go. And when she was done, I just lied there, crying. Those tears of letting something that no longer serves me out. These are such blissful tears.

Včeraj sem bila na jogi (no, pravzaprav je mešanica joge, tai chija, plesa, meditacije…), kjer smo malo leže pomeditirali in z vizualizacijo odpirali svoje srčne in trebušne čakre. Ko smo bili na srčni čakri, sem si vse tako živo predstavljala, tako je bilo fajn! Ko smo pa šli na solarni pleksus, pa je vizualiziranje naenkrat postalo bolj težko, sploh si nisem mogla prav predstavljat rumene barve (barva tretje čakre je rumena, ta čakra je center naše osebnosti). Toliko strahov, kompleksov in težav z zaupanjem v tem predelu! In potem je prišla vaditeljica in mi s svojimi magičnimi rokami (je tudi maserka) začela sproščat ta trebušni predel! O bog! Kako je bolelo! Če ne bi že verjela, da so um, čustva in telo povezani, bi začela! Samo sem govorila, da puščam, da to odide, da je varno, da odide. In ko je končala, so se mi samo vlile solze. Tiste solze, ko tečejo, ko se nekaj sprosti. To so takšne fajne solze.
 
(3 Ptice handpainted canvas tote bag, vintage shirt, DIYed shorts, Deichmann sneakers) (3 Ptice ročno poslikana totica; vintage srajca, predelane kratke hlače, Deichmann čevlji) 

I feel so much more like me today! And I also got a new order, for which I know I’ll enjoy big time in the process making it.

I read in Napoleon’s Hill book, Think and Grow Rich, that suceess comes to those who are aware of it. And when I focus on my successes, which I have quite a few under my hat, I feel successful and somehow the opportunities are falling in my lap and I am back to that joy of life, joy of work, joy of bein my own boss.
So, yes, on my to do list is creating a subpage with all my successes and collaborations. Not only to bragg :P, but also for me to appreciate, how far I come. From not knowing anyone in my kind of biz and nobody knowing me.

So, to sum it up, I’m making this shift from worrier and warrior to joyier! (That’s not even a word, but making up new words is such a source of joy for me!) It requiers lots of awarenes, but even enlighted masters must take every step with awareness, ain’t so?  Awareness is what makes them enlighted.

Danes se počutim toliko bolj kot jaz! Pa še novo naročilo sem dobila, za katero vem, da bom zelo uživala v procesu ustvarjanja.

V knjigi od Napoleona Hilla, Misli in postani bogat, sem prebrala, da uspeh pride k tistim, ki se ga začnejo zavedati. In ko se jaz osredotočim na svoje uspehe, ki jih imam kar nekaj pod kapo, se tudi počutim uspešno in priložnosti začnejo prihajati v moje odprte roke, in jaham ta val radosti bivanja, radosti dela, radosti tega, da sem sama svoj šef. 

Ja, na moji to-do listi je podstran tukaj, na blogu, kjer bojo zbrani vsi moji uspehi, sodelovanja. Ne samo za to, da se važim :P, ampak predvsem za to, da začnem sama cenit, kako daleč sem prišla. Od tega, da nisem poznala nikogar in nihče ni poznal mene.

Torej, da potegnem črto. Delam na prehodu od osebe, ki nenehno skrbi, kaj bo in tiste, ki se nenehno bori, do osebe, ki preprosto uživa v poti. Jap jap, tole zahteva veeeliko zavesti, ampak tudi razsvetljeni mojstri delajo korake z zavedanjem, a ne da? Zavestnost je tisto, kar jih dela razsvetljene.
 
And what are you going through lately? Which new way of being and living are you trying to implement into your life?

In kaj se vam dogaja te dni? Katere nove načine bivanja, življenja, se trudite vnesti v svoje življenje?

With Love,