So you are pissed off?
You are finally letting it out.
How wouldn’t you be pissed off?
You have a right to be pissed off.
You have tried everything, but nothing is working. Well, things do work, you have to admit that your life is so much better than it used to be.
They look at you and think of you as a success.
And you are. You achieved so much. You overcame so much. You are a new person.
Yet you still cannot fucking pay the bills.
Why is this keep on happening?
Keep on happening, keep on happening, keep on happening. It’s keep on happening, because it’s keep on happening.
It’s your story.
It’s your story. That you try everything, do everything, get all the possible results, yet still cannot pay the bills and shit.
“It feels like it’s just impossible to change this. It feels like I cannot change this. It feels like it’s a fact that I will always have everything I need to survive, but never enough money, like I will always lack here.”
What is the most hard thing about this situation?
- I feel fake. Like all my successes and everything I do means nothing, because I cannot back it up with money. And this bothers me, because I want to share my message, yet I feel like people will ask, or even if they won’t ask anything, I don’t feel like I can contribute and really help them, because I didn’t figure it out either. I don’t want to pretend I know shit and that I can help and at the same time asking my grandpa if I can borrow money.
- I have to ask people for help and I feel ashamed, because I still didn’t figured it out
- That I’ve tried everything and really did the work and now I feel so stupid, that I still have hope and that I keep on going.
Fake. Ashamed. Stupid.
Naive. Pissed off.
What does authentic feel like?
It feels like I can feel whatever I feel and still love myself. It feels good in my body. It feels like I want to stretch and dance and celebrate.
Where have you have been authentic so far?
In my relationships, mostly. With being true to myself and doing what I want to do. With staying in my lane.
What being proud of yourself feels like?
Hm, it feels like it’s integrated in my being. It’s not like being proud and showing off, “Look at me, how important I am”. No, it feels like fun and joy. Playful. Like I know I have all these experiences under my belt already and I just know I can handle what’s next and have fun at it.
Where you already feel proud of yourself?
I am proud of my relationships. I am proud of all the work I did and so happy I have the results.
What are the results?
I feel free in my relationships with people. I feel love. I know I can express myself. I feel seen and heard. I see and hear other people. There’s no passive aggressive fights anymore. I can express my boundaries way better and people respect them. I used to feel lots of guilt, now there is love and compassion. I listen to myself and know way better when to say yes and when to say no.
What else you are proud of?
I am proud of mine persistence. I keep on going, even when it gets tough. I always get back up. And I am even not bitter about it, there is more and more lightness in this. Ha, interesting.
What do you feel like when you think about posting this?
I feel ashamed again. If I would post this it would be like I am attention seeker.
What’s wrong with this?
It’s like I am having it really bad, so that someone starts to feel guilty and then I get what I want. But it feels bitter.
Would you like this to be easier?
Would you like to have it really good, so that others naturally feel good around you and you get what I want with ease, because you also give what others want and you don’t even have to think much about this, even though you can, if you want to, but it’s just natural to you that you are who you are, you do what you do and this way you give your best and you receive the best in return?
Well fuck yes 😀
You got it. Now, can you post this knowing that you are going to help somebody with it? Knowing that you are not only one in the world who feels human emotions? There’s 7 milliards of people like you who know what all of these emotions feel like.
Well, I can post it…
What does the genius zone feel like?
It feels like I can live the life the way I want it to and everything just falls into place, because I put myself and my art first.
It feels like I have this board under my feet and I can fly through the air with it and do things with ease and fun and super fast even, if I want to. It’s like I have superpowers.
P.S.: You can get this hand stamped tote bag in my Etsy shop.
And if you have enough bags but want to give something bag, I mean back, to me, because I am so awesome and I share my gifts and talents with you, you can share this post with others. And you can also buy me a coffee or bananas for smoothies. Click here to donate.