I looked myself in the mirror today in the morning and the thought that came to me was “You are still a child when it comes to emotions.”
There was no disapproval in that thought, I was just stating the fact to myself.
Despite all the books I read, despite all the hours of meditation and self reflection, observing myself and my emotions, observing others, seeing, mentally tracking and predicting behavioral patterns of myself and others under influence of emotions, journaling, EFT and big fat bunch of other techniques, even occasionally teaching others how to work with their emotions, or how to sit with them, how to move with them, how to talk with them…
… I myself am still a child when it comes to this.
It comforts me to remember what I heard about emotional mastery in esoteric school I was part of.
“It takes lifetimes to master your “emotional body”. “
I cannot say that for sure and I don’t want to impose my beliefs (which are points of views, not necessarily the truth) on anyone.
(Hmm, to be more precise, my “beliefs” are more like thesis in my mind and they are most of the time open up for discussion with myself (and the world) and opposite points of view can meet each other and contribute to each other and discussion goes on and on and on, not knowing if thesis will ever be proved or disproved, not even sure if it should be).
It just comforts me to remind myself when I cry rivers again grieving something I never had, that I am probably gonna have another movement up spiral where I will feel like I am over it, whole and complete, until I will come to that point again where I will cry a river, or a stream… and there is nothing wrong with me for not dealing with this sooner, for not being completely over it yet. For not being completely healed yet.
It could takes lifetimes.
Still worth it.
I hope it comforts you too.
(P.S.: I am writing a long post on “inner mother” and I am being cracked open, to embody deeper, wider quality of what I am trying to convey through the post. It frustrates me at the times, why I can’t just throw out posts filled with advice, produce content… But then again, I love how every move I am trying to make in outside world, takes me deeper in a journey within myself. All these dark and beautiful karst caves inside me, with underground rivers…)