I have a dirty little secret

Well, it’s not so dirty… Or is it? I don’t know. I just know I’ve been making such a big deal out of it in my head for most of my life… I was so ashamed of it that I didn’t dare to tell anyone about it. Unless I  really really trusted them. And yes, I had a lot of trust issues as well.

It was such a big deal for me, that I could tell my boyfriend Jure for it only after 2 or 3 years of our relationship. And I told him other secrets of mine before this one. I don’t remember anymore what those other secrets were, but it was probably something with guys, haha, I’m not sure.

So, what is this thing?

Tu du du dum.

I have fungus on my toenails.

For most of my life already.

It’s been in the family.

I know it’s connected with some toxins in the body, something is not in the balance.

Logical.

But I felt like a bad, dirty person, for having fungus.

Even though I have good body hygiene.

Quite good, I think.

I remember that every winter I decided I’m gonna sort this shit out before the summer, take care of those nails of mine, put things on them. But then I was always too lazy. Doing it for few days in a row and then I forgot about it.

When the time for sandals came, I made sure that I had nail polish on my toenails.

Or I wore sneakers. Which probably made the case worse.

If you believe in mind-body and emotions connection (I believe that whole body is a brain), you might find it interesting what Louise L. Hay has to say about fungus on feet (it’s also called athlete’s foot).

Athlete’s foot: Frustration at not being accepted. Inability to move forward with ease.
Affirmations: I love and approve of myself. I give permission myself to go ahead. It’s safe to move.

Well, considering the fact that I felt like an outsider for most of my life and my guilt issues around moving forward (I was afraid that if I move forward I’m gonna hurt people who choose to stay at the same place), this could hold water.

When I went firewalking few weeks ago, I decided to throw this into fire. The feelings of not being accepted. And fungus on my toes. After all, I cannot make everybody love me and accept me, but at least I can love and accept myself the way I am. And I can start improving things in my life from the place of love, because I wish myself good, instead of constantly improving myself because of feeling that something is wrong and dirty about me and trying to hide it.

The day after firewalking, I received gift voucher for pedicure from my cousin who has a cosmetic salon. “Shit,” a voice in my head said. I will have to share my dirty secret with another person? I decided to start taking care of this. I sanded fungus from my nails as much as possible and started putting garlic and coconut oil on them. I went to the town the same day with sandals. Without nail polish.

Surprise, no one run after me screaming to everybody that I have fungus and that I should be ashamed, ahaha.

I told my childhood best friend about it. She is still my friend, hehe.

Yesterday I told another person. He said I should bath my feet in salted water. And give nice attention to my nails.

Today I had a meeting about possible collaboration connected with food supplements. The ingredients are from herbs and seaweeds, something that I trust, but the business model is network marketing. Something I have been a little suspicious about. You know all of these people trying to get you into something through facebook messages? C’mon, don’t waste my time + eye roll. But I knew that person from before from a form of therapy I’ve been attending and I decided to give her a try. She actually contacted me few months ago, but my body reaction was “No.” Maybe because she is a really strong person and I was a bit afraid of her. Through past few months I realised that I am a pretty strong person too (coaching, EFT, observing life helped me with this). And when we were talking yesterday on facebook, my body was saying yes. I felt excited to meet her. So we met today.

And damn, she was convincing 😀 With all the great success stories and scientists behind it. Plus some form of feng shui called bazi which showed the things I noticed myself through being in tune with nature and myself. Quite interesting.

But. Of course. If I’m gonna go into something, I have to know myself that thing works.

So I decided to have a little experiment. I asked her what helps with fungus and she recommended that thing called LTE with Norwegian kelp which is some seaweed. And capsules are vegan, thank god, I hate when capsules are made of gelatin (I mean, people trying to sell things with b12 to vegans in gelatin capsules).

I have to admit that my blogger ego expected she is going to give me this capsules for free, haha. Well, I bought them. Which is a plus, so I can be honest. And make sure I actually take them, if I invested money already.

So, here is my plan of restoring my toenails back to health:

  1. I’m gonna take those capsules as prescribed, and of course, with respect I have for the things I put into my body (if you respect food, food respects you back I heard a wise man saying once to me when I noticed him talking to the food he was putting on his plate).
  2. I’m gonna continue putting garlic and coconut oil on my toenails.
  3. Maybe I’m gonna give my feet some salty bath. I’ll try my best.
  4. I’m gonna be more aware of how amazing my feet are for taking me wherever I want to go. And continue my practice of feeling myself in my whole body.

I’m gonna keep you posted.

One month should be enough, what you think?

Oh, also. I already eat quite healthy for mosts people’s standard. And I don’t have problem with weight or something. But I still smoke cigarettes (I quit two times this year already, haha), drink at least a cup of coffee every day, sometimes more and occasionally I drink alcohol. I walk every day for the pleasure of connecting with nature (and because of my dear dog, of course), however, I sometimes feel I should start running or something, to sweat a bit more.

In case you are interested in those supplements and cannot wait a month or so for me to finish the experiment, here is my affiliate link, which means I’m gonna get a percentage if you buy them through this link. But you can wait that I try them out first, of course. There are also products for weight-loss (I’m fine with my weight but maybe not everybody who reads this is) and diabetes and better sleep, but check it out yourself, I cannot talk from experience yet, so I won’t.

vitaleaf lte nrc supplements

I bought this one with brown algae Norwegian kelp and I got six sample capsules of NRC – night recovery complex which consists of valerian, passion flower, ashwagandha and brown algae.

Ready to take my first dose before I go to bed.

Oh, yet another thing. I took pictures of my fungus toenails today, but I’m not completely ready to post them yet. If you really want to see them, send me the message (: They are not as scary as most of the things you see on the web.

Otherwise, 3ptice.etsy.com shop with my eco-friendly accessories works as usual.

Still feeling a little bit strange about posting this (perhaps because I’ve been hiding it for years), but I probably wouldn’t feel strange if I had migraine every day or something, so why should I worry, eh?

Did you ever feel ashamed of something and when you finally started talking about it realised it’s not even such a big deal?

“Writing about a writer’s block is better than not writing at all” – Charles Bukowski

Hello, people.

I’m not sure what to write about.

I have a little bit of a writer’s block. Or should I call it blogger’s block? Ah, writer’s block sounds better.

I’m not sure if I can provide you with any value at the moment.

An hour ago I said I’m gonna write. But first I had to make myself a cacao. And I was hungry again. So I sliced an apple + ate some dried pears. Now I feel like preparing some toast with that delicious spread with curry.

I gained few kilos in last few months. At first, I just thought I am a bit distended, but when I stepped on a scale I realised I have two kg extra. Now I’m feeling a bit afraid, that I’m gonna become one of those people who can’t just eat whatever they want whenever they want. Fuck.

But maybe I can calm down. It’s no wonder I gained weight. I was mostly at home and I cook good and I wasn’t moving much. But spring is coming and I already feel that urge to walk more, discover the nature. But still, maybe it’s time to put working out in my calendar? Hmm, not really calendar, I don’t feel like going to some group workouts. Not really my thing. Yet.

Here and there I used to be in a habit of little daily workout. Easy-peasy thing like some stretching, dancing, energy exercises (tai chi style). Just a little something for the awareness of my body. I would say to myself I’m gonna have a 10 minute exercise time and then I found myself almost an hour later still enjoying my body.

Oh my goodness, I have to do this now.

Back to writing, three hours later. One hour spent for exercising (stretching and dancing) and then two hours spent for watching music videos + watching beautiful girls on youtube and instagram.

It’s this stupid behavior I sometimes indulge in. Way too often. I mean, sometimes it can be fun, but watching others people perfect looking life instead of enjoying mine is just stupid.

Back in times, we had fashion magazines (I know they still exist, but I don’t remember when I bought the last one). And people were talking, how reading these magazines can damage your self-image. Yet we knew those were models, young girls in grown-up clothes, photoshopped and all, selling us an illusion.

I remember I didn’t care much about it. For fucks sake, I could eat whatever I wanted without getting fat. I just enjoyed beautiful images, feeling inspired afterward.

Now I compare myself. Look at her, she is 8 years younger than me and she is actually making money doing what she love, while I still try to figure it out, even though I know everything I should already know, I just don’t put it in practice, because I’m guilty of watching other people doing it.

I’m wearing: H&M dress that I bought 10+ years ago; Pompea tights; Tailly Weijl shoes (a few years old); secondhand shirt.

Years ago I used to think, that when I will be a few years older, I will be able to do some things. I felt like I was too young. Now I feel like I am too old already. Damn it.   A few years older than me are already getting botox and shit.

Oh, what I meant to say was, that in magazines we knew it’s an illusion. But all these girls on Instagram are real. They are not models, even though they could be. They are talented and hard working and they definitely have a keen eye for seeing what’s working and what’s not, what looks good and what’s not… They even have something to say, at least some of them, and that’s the reason I cannot hate on them.

Jeez, you know, I’m super confused. Maybe I indulge in this activities because I’m not sure exactly what I want.

It’s like I have shit loads of different personalities in me.

Richard Branson and some unnamed not famous hippie at the same time. On one side, I have all these ideas and I know they could work, there’s a market for them. On the other hand, please, just give me peace, I can grow my own food and enjoy nature, read books, think about deep questions and I just need enough to pay my bills, fuck millions.

I want everybody to love me and fuck you all, you don’t matter.

A part of me that is grown up and responsible. And part of me that is still afraid that people will make fun of me.

A part of me that says “You should post this, other people feel this way too”. And part of me that says “Don’t post this, unless you want people giving you advice. Which you know you don’t want.”

Haha, okay, now that I got this off my mind, I can get back to promoting my new product -> super eco-friendly pencil cases/toiletry pouches. Do check them out.

Ohh, another thing! I received these super duper tights from Pompea. One of the best products I received in the history of that blog. Which is not that many, but still! There is even a cute law of attraction story behind it. Back in December, I was freezing on art market one day. Another artist told me that she wears some special infrared tights. Some magical tights that return warmth from your body back to your body. Waaa, I want this. I was actually thinking, that it would be smart to write to a shop that sells them, maybe they would be up for a product-for-blog-post exchange. But of course, I forgot about it. And a few weeks ago one girl wrote to me on facebook, if I am willing to write a review for some tights. Yeah, of course, there’s never too many tights!

When I opened them, I saw these are those infrared tights! Woohoo!

They are from the Italian brand called Pompea.

Do they work? They do! The sensation on the skin feels different than from the other tights as soon as you put them on. When I wear nylon tights under the pants I sometimes feel like I’m more cold with them than without them… No such feeling with Pompea tights.

As you can see on the pictures, I wore them on a warm winter day. It was 10 degrees Celsius, yet I was surprised about it. It felt like 15. My legs didn’t feel cold at all. And I’m not one of those girls who would sacrifice health to look good (and yet I wear heels on these pictures -> eye rolling at myself). I just don’t understand people who show off their ankles in the winter time…

So, yes, these tights are ah-fucking-mazing. I feel sorry for myself I didn’t own them in the bloody cold January already… I want more of them. I hope I will make some extra money to buy a few extra pairs. I like to show off my legs 😀

Oh, that thing about anti-cellulite? I’m not sure if I can believe this. Well, it cannot hurt, for sure. But just feeling warmer makes me praise these tights. If I will loose a bit of cellulite, that’s a nice extra, though…

I totally recommend them. 10/10

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” -Soren Kierkegaard

Hello guys! I’m squeezing in a few minutes of time that I don’t have, to write this post.

It’s a note to me. Anita, take time for things that matter to you, even if it’s just three minutes to type a few words.

Okay, peace, gotta run, see you.

anita puksic

 

On the above pictures you can see me wearing make up after years. Thanks to Nina Vesenjak, who wanted me as a model. She did a great job, I actually liked my make up version. But I still love my no make up everyday version of me (:

 

 

Pieces I would wear from new Adidas StellaSport Collection

stellasportjumperlifestylefun (Large)

When I discovered Stella McCartney in my teenage years I’ve decided she’s gonna be my favourite designer. Why? Because she’s a vegetarian and doesn’t use leather or fur in her collections. And her designs are dope as well. I still stick with that decision. Actually, I stick with quite a lot of my teenage decisions. I’m vegetarian since 13-14, in design since 15, together with my man since 16-17, writing this blog since the age of 16-17… My style also stayed kinda teenage. I hope this won’t stay the same in my forties because that would be pathetic… Well, I don’t know… However. I created a collage of pieces that I like the most from new collection StellaSport for Adidas. I would wear this outfit for a whole day. Morning meditation, working in my studio and walking with my dog. What do you think?

stellasportgiflifestylefun stellasportoutfitlifestylefun (Large) Have a nice weekend!