Brainwashed woman

Pozdravljeni, prijatelji! Dolgo časa se nisem javila. No, pravzaprav samo en teden in en dan. Kar blogerke/ji čutimo kot mesec dni.

Kakorkoli. Tukaj so fotke, od kakšnega tedna in pol nazaj, ko sva s fantom šla v mesto in potem na slastno pico z jurčki (zdaj me kar ima, da bi jih šla iskat v šumo).

Oblečeno sem imela to čudovito malo črno oblekico, ki mi jo je kupil fant za rojstni dan. In pravtako sandale. Totico sem dobila od njegove mame, sončne očale pa so mi prijazno poslali od O3. Saj spodnje perilo sem si sama kupila 😀

Hello, friends! Long time no hear. Actually it’s just a week and a day from my last post, but in blogging that seems like a month.

Anyway. Here are pics from a week and half ago, when I and my boyfriend went to the city and then for a delicious pizza with penny bun (I feel like going to the woods and trying to find some right now).

I wore this amazing little black dress that my boyfriend bought me for my birthday. And sandals were also a gift from him. The bag was given to me from his mum, also for my birthday. And the sunglasses were kinly sent to me by O3. Okay, I bought my underwear by myself 😀

Nekaj vam moram povedati. Potem, ko me je fant pofotografiral, sem šla skozi fotke na fotoaparatu in doživela nekaj šokantnega. Toliko celulita imam! Res vidnega celulita! Kar me je čisto vrglo s tira. Jure je tistih par fotk, na katerih je to sranje bilo zelo očitno, v naslednji minuti izbrisal, da bi mi prihranil nenehno ogledovanje in s tem slabe občutke o sebi. Zelo prijazno od njega.

A seveda še vedno nisem prišla nazaj na tir. Ampak potem pa me je zadelo! Anita, dol oprane imaš možgane! Dopuščaš, da se zaradi Njih počutiš ogabno, zato ker imaš na drugače popolnih, dolgih nogah stvar, ki jo ima večina žensk! Z Njimi mislim vso to kapitalistično industrijo, zaradi katere pregledujemo naša telesa kos za kosom, da vidimo ali se ti kosi kosti, mesa in kože skladajo z Njihovimi standardi lepote. In če se kosi naših teles ne skladajo z Njihovim Standardi, kar se ponavadi ne, imajo čisto pravo stvar za nas! Ampak zanjo je treba odšteti nekaj denarja. (In našega časa ter svobode).

There’s something I have to tell you. When we shot these pictures I went through them on my camera and there came a shocking experience for me. I have so much cellulite! Visible cellulite! I was totally upset. My boyfriend deleted the pictures on which it was most visible the very next moment, so that I wouldn’t check them all the time and feeling bad about myself. Very kind of him!

Of course I was still upset. But then it hit me! Anita, you’re so fucking brainwashed! You let Them make you feel ugly, because your otherwise perfect, long legs have that thing that most of the women have! And by Them I mean all those capitalistic industries that make us scan our beautiful, amazingly created bodies piece by piece, to see if those pieces of bones, flesh and skin fit into Theirs standard of beauty. And if our body pieces don’t fit into those Standards, which usually don’t, They have just the right thing for us! But it cost money. (And our time and freedom).

Tako da kurc gleda. To je moja odločitev. Ne pravim, da mi je zdaj celulit lep, ampak ga poskušam sprejeti takšnega kot je in kje je (čeprav bi bila še vedno vesela, če bi magično izginil). In priznam, da me je še vedno mičkeno sram, ker ga imam. In še vedno včasih pogledam svoje noge v ogledalu, kadar oblečem kratke hlače ali krilo, da preverim, koliko se vidi. Nove povezave, ki sem se jih odločila namestit v svoje možgane, še se niso čisto usedle. Ampak delam na tem. In ne bom več pustila Industriji, da mi povzroča občutke ogabnosti glede sebe. Ker sem pametno, čudovito in celostno človeško bitje! In če bom hotela, bom oblekla minico!

So screw it. That’s what I decided. I’m not saying that I find cellulite beautiful now but I try to accept it the way it is and where it is (even thouhg I would still be glad if it dissapeared by magic), .And I admit, I still feel a little ashamed, because I have it, and I check my legs in a mirror from time to time to see how much visible it is when I wear skirt or shorts. My brains aren’t completely rewired yet. But I’m working on it. I will not let the Industry to make me feel ugly about myself anymore. Because I’m smart, beautiful and whole human being! And I’ll wear mini if I want to!

Please comment if you read the post, because I’m not sure if there’s anyone who actually read my posts in English and how much it actually makes sense to write them if it’s just for it’s own sake (and to learn). As it’s quite time consuming.