FOR THE LITTLE BITS OF LOVE

For the little bits of love you’ve sold your soul.

For the little bits of love you forgot who you are.

For the little bits of love you did everything.

For the little bits of love you’ve danced.

For the little bits of love you carried their shit.

For the little bits of love you swallowed your pride.

For the little bits of love…

.

Delete love. Insert power. Peace. Freedom. Fun. Joy.

Remember that YOU are this power. Love, peace, freedom, fun, joy, one in one…

You don’t need to do anything to become what you already are.

*

P.S.: I am running a big sale in my Etsy shop. It’s gonna be 5 years since I started 3 Ptice soon and I think we all need to celebrate. Go get as much tote bags as you want right now! BTW: The price is going to shock you in a good sexy way.

And don’t forget to follow me on instagram @anitapuksic and @3ptice, because I post new things there first.

I am sitting here

Typing these words to get some clarity.

To decide, whether is the best thing to do now to clean my studio (it needs some fresh space, so I can breathe and create) or go to town for a coffee and to buy some bread and humus or maybe meditate or just go back to bed, because I have a sore throat.

Overwhelmed by choices, that all seem such a right thing to do.

But for now, I’m just gonna sit here and type these words, with my dog in my lap (he’s chewing my sweater).

Yesterday I felt this pain in my kidneys, that’s with me for months now, most of the time. Even when feeling super good. It represents fear, traditional chinese medicine says so.

My fear of the future. The fear of feeling good, because so often in my life, when things went really well for me, something bad happened. And I know on the mental level, that those things weren’t connected to me, but on emotional level, on subconscious level, I am still that kid, that could dream, but couldn’t really get those things, because those big people around had their own dramas going on all the time and who cares what kid wants and needs, if she has a roof over head and something to eat, what else does she wants, she should be grateful, some kids don’t have that.

And so I learned, to be quiet, to make others happy, to be strong for my mum, to not have my own needs. And I learned, that if I ask for what I want, I’m gonna upset people.

And it’s funny, when I know so much, and I can shift perspective in a second and look at the same event from other points of view, and go in one day through whole spectrum human emotions and then feeling amazed about how rich and full experience it is to be in this shape, to be a part of nature in this amazing form, that allows you so much possibilities of expressing yourself…

Yet it comes always back down to this void of not feeling loved, accepted and wanted as a child.

And so yesterday, I came back from a walk, where I admitted to myself, that this is what I want.

That when I cry, I want somebody to hold me until I cry it all out. I don’t want to be told that I should be strong, I don’t want to be told that I should be grateful, I don’t want to be judged. I want to be held and loved and accepted.

And so I meant to go to the kitchen, trying to not show my face to my boyfriend, because I didn’t want to upset him with being emotional again, yet at the same time I just wanted to be held and loved.

And he asked “How are you?”

And I asked, “Can you hug me?” And we sat down and he hugged me and I was crying like a rain, feeling his love and presence made me cry even more… and I was so happy in the moment that I cried even more. And I noticed that my boyfriend is getting a bit bored, but in that moment, Piki, my dog, who was watching what is going on here, jumped on the couch and squezzed himself against me, with the most compassionate look in his eyes and love just radiating from him.

And so I was crying and laughing at the same time, feeling loved, feeling safe to show what I feel.

And I don’t feel pain in my kidneys anymore. Maybe because it moved to my throat, haha.

 

I think I am going to town now, or make myself potato soup.

 

Love, Anita

 

Btw: I moved my international shop from Etsy to Tictail, so this is the link you can click on now, if you want to buy my tote bags (:

 

Another 10 things about me

I found this post in my drafts. Decided to post it now.

10 THINGS ABOUT ME 1. I always change and always stay the same. 2. I can appear very self assured, yet I am always questioning myself. 3. I have love hate relationship with social media. 4. I am a pretty great listener, but sometimes I have to tell people to shut the fuck up already, because I have something to say too. And then I forget what I had to say, because I am surprised at myself that I actually told them to stfu. 5. Oh, yes, I sometimes appear stupid and like I have no idea what is going on, because I am quiet and I listen, but I am already one step ahead. 6. Sometimes I am so ahead I need to catch myself. 7. I was raised in a way that when I am good and do good, it’s normal, deserves no praise, but when I do something wrong, I will for sure hear about it. And I often do something wrong in eyes of others. That’s why I am super afraid of critics and I often hold myself back so that I avoid being criticised. Getting over this though. 8. I feel the most me when I am in nature, around the water or in water, when I write or when I have deep shit conversations with people. And when I paint on @3ptice bags with my headphones on (mostly I listen to @katloterzo or @drlovegrove) 9. Most of the things I wear are secondhand or vintage or bought years ago. I inspired bunch of people to start wearing secondhand. I am proud of myself for that. 10. I am pretty commited. I started blogging 10 years ago. I still have the same blog, just domain name changed a few times (link in bio). I am together with my man for 10 years. I am vegetarian for 13,5 years. I run my brand 3 Ptice for almost 5 years. I have a bunch of beautiful long term friendships. Bonus point: It’s easy for me to believe in dreams of others, even so much that they achieve great results thanks to me believing in them and already seeing them on that level. Sometimes I need somebody to believe so much in me, instead of pointing out all that is wrong with me. Maybe I just need to stop doing this to myself. For sure. Another bonus point: when I start writing, I almost cannot stop. You can get to know me better through my blog and through my work. 3ptice.com

A post shared by Anita Pukšič – 3 Ptice (@anitapuksic) on

So, I posted 10 things about me on the instagram yesterday, and damn, it feels fucking good to talk about myself. I mean write. You know why it’s so good to write about myself? Because no one interrupts me, ahahaha.

So I thought I would write another 10 things about me now. And I’m gonna be so fucking honest and I’m gonna drop the need to be super smart. I mean, I am super smart already.

  1. I am currently drinking beer called Staropramen. I drank only one now and got intense urge to write. And there’s an episode of Game of Thrones waiting for me (btw, I am behind on it, so I have 4 episodes to watch – I know you are jealous), but no, I want to write. Now I understand all of the alcoholic writers and poets.
  2. I am in the super funk for last month and a half. That fucking new moon and solar eclipse and shit. Fuck. It’s this way: I get up. I get myself back to me. I loose me. I get myself back to me and back to work. I loose me. It’s like a constant fight with myself that also shows up in the outer world.
  3. I’m not sure I’m gonna post this.
  4. In the last year, I get from everywhere, that I am a leader. Mentors, astrology, tests. And I am like “who, me?”. Yet I somehow know this is true, but man, this is scary to me. The world leader reminds me so much of the word Führer. Oh, Hitler, you are here again, you always love to show up, bitch!
  5. By this famous personality test, I am INFJ. Which means I am a type of personality that is the most rare. And that I can understand almost everybody, but not everybody can understand me. Like my blood type. I can give my blood almost to everybody, but only the same blood type can give it to me. That’s why when people understand me, I am like “Omg, I love you!” Some even said that this isn’t even a personality type, but it’s dysfuckingfunction. That kids who were normal, but got pushed down from people around them, become INFJ. Super sensitive, aware of other people’s needs, not knowing who the fuck they are – it’s not easy for us to be ourselves, when we are everything -> what to pick? -> who am I in this moment?. Famous people who were INFJ-s? Damn, I am in a great company. Plato, Dante, Jung (I always knew we had a connection going on), Gandhi, Noam Chomsky, Tolstoj, Dostojevski, that famous fella Jesus… and… and… and… bin Laden, Trotsky and… of course, Hitler, here you are again, bitch. Why are only men here? Oh, Tilda Swinton is also INFJ.
  6. That’s why I am afraid of myself. Afraid of my power. Holding myself back. I am an idealist, total idealist. And ideas can be dangerous. I am afraid that I could convince people to follow me and screw it all up. Or had something beautiful in mind like Jesus, then die on the cross because of stupid sacrifice for humanity. And then some bastards would kill even more people, when trying to spread the message of love.
  7. Shit gets biblical quite often in my head. It’s not like I believe in those stories to be true, but the principles are so true. I know the Lord of the Rings is also not a true story (ahahaha), yet when you get those metaphors, man, those principles are also true.
  8. I spent a lot of time thinking how to organise my time in a best way and meanwhile a lot of time passes and I get anxious.
  9. Believe it or not through the tone of this post, I am actually a very shiny, fun and kind person. People always ask me, how is it that I am always in such a good mood. It’s because I hide when I am not. Who could stand me when even I can stand myself? So it’s better to just sit or lay down. And I can be very bitchy.
  10. I like being alone. Having enough time for walking, writing, cooking, working… and then I can be the soul of the party… If there’s gonna be just two or three of us, having deep conversations.
  11. Bonus point: I make fun of myself a lot. That’s why I am still alive.

 

Your human AF,

Anita
This is what I do for living, besides living: selling my hand painted tote bags on Etsy.

My dog still loves me

I bought tobacco again.

My dog still loves me.

I didn’t pay the rent.

My dog still loves me.

I am ashamed of myself.

My dog still loves me.

I feel bipolar. On top of the world and then at the bottom of the sea.

My dog don’t care. My dog still loves me.

I don’t know proper English.

I still write and my dog still loves me.

I have this inner fight, mitote in my head. (as I was looking for a definition of mitote for you, I found this gorgeous photography blog).

My dog still loves me.

I wish I would love myself the way my dog loves me.

Woof.

 

 

Anita

My Etsy shop.

I see you

You sense that there is something deeper.

There is some deep connection with life flowing through you.

It’s something different, something special that reveals itself only through you.

Some deeper connection with the world, with Nature.

Connection with all there is.

Love and intelligence.

Lightness.

Some special quality,

some special individuality

collateral beauty (if you haven’t watch the movie Collateral Beauty yet, watch it, you will love it),

joy, compassion, home in your heart,

belonging.

You are important in this game of life.

You feel this truth, this deep connection with all there is.

You know, that everything is alright.

No matter how you feel right now on the surface,

you know deep inside that it’s all good,

the whole Universe loves you,

and you are the One within the One.

 

Love, Anita

3ptice.etsy.com -> You are most welcome to check out new products in my shop and fresh pictures of my tote bags (:

THEY DON’T KNOW YOU

They don’t know you.

So stop giving them your power.

They don’t know you.

So stop trying to fit in into their idea of who you should be and how you should live.

They don’t know you.

So stop asking them for permission to be who you are.

They don’t know you.

 

You are you.

You know you.

So how could they know better than you what you should do with your life?

You know you.

You are with you your whole life already.

You know what you want.

You know what you want to create.

You know what you’ve been through.

You know where are you going.

You fucking know it. So start acting accordingly.

You don’t need their permission to be who you are anymore.

Just give yourself the permission.

And reclaim your power.

 

Love, Anita.

3ptice.com

 

 

 

kul majica

YOU KNOW WHAT IS EVEN BETTER THAN VACATION?

Even better than vacation is returning back home and seeing your family.
Even better than vacation is seeing your dog after a week and watching him go crazy, because he is so happy to see you.
Even better than vacation is seeing your neighbors and having little cute heartfelt small talk.
Even better than vacation is returning to your little house and loving the smell old houses have.
Even better than vacation is going to the garden in the morning and seeing that Mother Nature took awesome care of it when you were gone.
Even better than vacation is drinking coffee behind your kitchen table and doing the mindset work in your journal and feeling your heart expanding.
Even better than vacation is admitting yourself your situation and what you really really want.
Even better than vacation is going for a walk and watching sweet funny happy ass of your dog happily running in front of you.
Even better than vacation is being excited about your work.

Even better than vacation is having the life you return back from vacation and knowing you love it.

And thanks god you had those beautiful vacation that made you realise how beautiful your life already is.

Even better than vacation is watching your boyfriend coming home with toilet paper without even asking him.

Even better than vacations is having the life you don’t need vacation from yet having them anyway.

 

Love, Anita

P.S.: This week I will be making the products for my Etsy shop, so I will be happy to receive your orders -> Go to to 3ptice.etsy.com and give yourself a nice little gift, because you are a such badass this summer!

Location: Pag, Croatia

I’m wearing: a dress that I received from my mum; secondhand sunglasses; sandals from Mass, that are spending their third summer on my feet

Pikiiii!

I am pissed off.

Not even sure if more at me or at people I am talking to in my head that reminds me of the past version of me.

People who fucking find an excuse why they can’t do the shit they want to do,

people who find a problem for every solution,

people who indulge in mothafucking conspiracy theories, because they aren’t willing to take responsibility for their own bullshit.

People in mothafucking 21st century, people living in Europe, people living in sLOVEnia, where you have just everything you need, people with an internet connection. People who have gardens or know people who have extra food on their gardens, people who are intelligent, people are creative if they don’t just use their brilliance for creating problems that didn’t even exist in the first place.

People who have money but their relationships suck. People who don’t have money but their relationships sucks.

People who don’t love themselves, because they think it would be selfish to put themselves first.

Be fucking selfish. Put yourself first. Get it already that by you feeling good there is more feeling good in the world. It fucking spreads. It fucking mirrors.

By you playing the victim, when you have clean running water from the pipe and roof over the head and something on the garden and internet connection to read conspiracy theories about some group of people who are taking something from you, you just create more victimhood in this world.

This shit is over. The war is over. Playing victim is over.

And how the heck can somebody take something from you, if you never had it? Like dignity, for example.

Omg, I am being harsh here.

It feels good. It feels way better than that melancholy I was in before for few hours. And I used to dwell in this shit for months. How could I hate myself so much? I don’t want to know.

But I am always looking for a way out. Even in those times I was searching for a solution.

I have a
fence around the property so that my dog can be outside without me being worried where he is.

Yeah, right. If he wants to go out, he will find a way. I plugged every fucking hole I found. He finds a way. And no, he doesn’t harm anybody while doing so.

If the system feels like a fence around you, be like Piki. 

Anita.

3ptice.com

I have a dirty little secret

Well, it’s not so dirty… Or is it? I don’t know. I just know I’ve been making such a big deal out of it in my head for most of my life… I was so ashamed of it that I didn’t dare to tell anyone about it. Unless I  really really trusted them. And yes, I had a lot of trust issues as well.

It was such a big deal for me, that I could tell my boyfriend Jure for it only after 2 or 3 years of our relationship. And I told him other secrets of mine before this one. I don’t remember anymore what those other secrets were, but it was probably something with guys, haha, I’m not sure.

So, what is this thing?

Tu du du dum.

I have fungus on my toenails.

For most of my life already.

It’s been in the family.

I know it’s connected with some toxins in the body, something is not in the balance.

Logical.

But I felt like a bad, dirty person, for having fungus.

Even though I have good body hygiene.

Quite good, I think.

I remember that every winter I decided I’m gonna sort this shit out before the summer, take care of those nails of mine, put things on them. But then I was always too lazy. Doing it for few days in a row and then I forgot about it.

When the time for sandals came, I made sure that I had nail polish on my toenails.

Or I wore sneakers. Which probably made the case worse.

If you believe in mind-body and emotions connection (I believe that whole body is a brain), you might find it interesting what Louise L. Hay has to say about fungus on feet (it’s also called athlete’s foot).

Athlete’s foot: Frustration at not being accepted. Inability to move forward with ease.
Affirmations: I love and approve of myself. I give permission myself to go ahead. It’s safe to move.

Well, considering the fact that I felt like an outsider for most of my life and my guilt issues around moving forward (I was afraid that if I move forward I’m gonna hurt people who choose to stay at the same place), this could hold water.

When I went firewalking few weeks ago, I decided to throw this into fire. The feelings of not being accepted. And fungus on my toes. After all, I cannot make everybody love me and accept me, but at least I can love and accept myself the way I am. And I can start improving things in my life from the place of love, because I wish myself good, instead of constantly improving myself because of feeling that something is wrong and dirty about me and trying to hide it.

The day after firewalking, I received gift voucher for pedicure from my cousin who has a cosmetic salon. “Shit,” a voice in my head said. I will have to share my dirty secret with another person? I decided to start taking care of this. I sanded fungus from my nails as much as possible and started putting garlic and coconut oil on them. I went to the town the same day with sandals. Without nail polish.

Surprise, no one run after me screaming to everybody that I have fungus and that I should be ashamed, ahaha.

I told my childhood best friend about it. She is still my friend, hehe.

Yesterday I told another person. He said I should bath my feet in salted water. And give nice attention to my nails.

Today I had a meeting about possible collaboration connected with food supplements. The ingredients are from herbs and seaweeds, something that I trust, but the business model is network marketing. Something I have been a little suspicious about. You know all of these people trying to get you into something through facebook messages? C’mon, don’t waste my time + eye roll. But I knew that person from before from a form of therapy I’ve been attending and I decided to give her a try. She actually contacted me few months ago, but my body reaction was “No.” Maybe because she is a really strong person and I was a bit afraid of her. Through past few months I realised that I am a pretty strong person too (coaching, EFT, observing life helped me with this). And when we were talking yesterday on facebook, my body was saying yes. I felt excited to meet her. So we met today.

And damn, she was convincing 😀 With all the great success stories and scientists behind it. Plus some form of feng shui called bazi which showed the things I noticed myself through being in tune with nature and myself. Quite interesting.

But. Of course. If I’m gonna go into something, I have to know myself that thing works.

So I decided to have a little experiment. I asked her what helps with fungus and she recommended that thing called LTE with Norwegian kelp which is some seaweed. And capsules are vegan, thank god, I hate when capsules are made of gelatin (I mean, people trying to sell things with b12 to vegans in gelatin capsules).

I have to admit that my blogger ego expected she is going to give me this capsules for free, haha. Well, I bought them. Which is a plus, so I can be honest. And make sure I actually take them, if I invested money already.

So, here is my plan of restoring my toenails back to health:

  1. I’m gonna take those capsules as prescribed, and of course, with respect I have for the things I put into my body (if you respect food, food respects you back I heard a wise man saying once to me when I noticed him talking to the food he was putting on his plate).
  2. I’m gonna continue putting garlic and coconut oil on my toenails.
  3. Maybe I’m gonna give my feet some salty bath. I’ll try my best.
  4. I’m gonna be more aware of how amazing my feet are for taking me wherever I want to go. And continue my practice of feeling myself in my whole body.

I’m gonna keep you posted.

One month should be enough, what you think?

Oh, also. I already eat quite healthy for mosts people’s standard. And I don’t have problem with weight or something. But I still smoke cigarettes (I quit two times this year already, haha), drink at least a cup of coffee every day, sometimes more and occasionally I drink alcohol. I walk every day for the pleasure of connecting with nature (and because of my dear dog, of course), however, I sometimes feel I should start running or something, to sweat a bit more.

In case you are interested in those supplements and cannot wait a month or so for me to finish the experiment, here is my affiliate link, which means I’m gonna get a percentage if you buy them through this link. But you can wait that I try them out first, of course. There are also products for weight-loss (I’m fine with my weight but maybe not everybody who reads this is) and diabetes and better sleep, but check it out yourself, I cannot talk from experience yet, so I won’t.

vitaleaf lte nrc supplements

I bought this one with brown algae Norwegian kelp and I got six sample capsules of NRC – night recovery complex which consists of valerian, passion flower, ashwagandha and brown algae.

Ready to take my first dose before I go to bed.

Oh, yet another thing. I took pictures of my fungus toenails today, but I’m not completely ready to post them yet. If you really want to see them, send me the message (: They are not as scary as most of the things you see on the web.

Otherwise, 3ptice.etsy.com shop with my eco-friendly accessories works as usual.

Still feeling a little bit strange about posting this (perhaps because I’ve been hiding it for years), but I probably wouldn’t feel strange if I had migraine every day or something, so why should I worry, eh?

Did you ever feel ashamed of something and when you finally started talking about it realised it’s not even such a big deal?