- I get most of my work done when avoiding doing other work that I am supposed to be doing. I am writing this post, because I am avoiding writing much more vulnerable one.
- This year I started facing things I always wanted to escape from, all the things I wanted to move behind and move on from asap. But it is freaking sticky and heavy and I am crying rivers and using shit tones of tissues. At times it feels like it is never going to end. But I am also proud of myself for not numbing my pain anymore. And I know my future self will be grateful for me not giving up on myself because it is sometimes hard to process.
- When people ask me how I am doing over messenger or email, I usually don’t respond for quite some time, because I am waiting for the time to write a letter. I usually feel more things at the same time and work through more things at the same time and most of the time cannot put it into one sentence or even one paragraph. So, my apologies to three interesting women, who I did not respond to yet. Maybe I should just start setting up skype calls?
- I tried to record an episode of podcast yesterday but probably not gonna publish it, because I got quite emotional and I am afraid people are going to think I just have a pity party for myself. It was good to record it though, it opened the stream of inspiration.
- I am currently watching Maid on Netflix and before that I watched the season 4 of The Bold Type. Both shows are so therapeutic for me. It helps me so much when I see mirrors of some of my life situations on the screen. It is a reminder, that I don’t have to be ashamed of what I am going through, because I am not alone, I am one of many humans that are currently facing what has been passed down for generations.
- I am at my mother’s house for more than half a year already. I am cleaning my psychological baggage here and I am cleaning out my collection of vintage clothes. It’s funny with those clothes. I change my mind about them so many times. I decide to sell them. Then I don’t feel like it, because I don’t have luxury vintage, I a have middle class, working class and poor class vintage. So I feel like it’s a waste of time taking pictures, measuring stuff, putting the stuff on Etsy, Ebay and other sides and writing all those descriptions, coming up with tag words. And then having to package everything and go to the post office, if I actually sell anything… So then I decide I won’t sell. So I decide I will give things to Humana and what is torn to H&M for recycling. I do this, but then they are still clothes that are too cool to just give to Humana, when I could sell them or keep them for myself. And then this repeats itself. And I think it is such a hard process for me, because all of this is somehow part of my identity, which I am not sure if I want to still have it as a part of me or not anymore. Fashion designer, style blogger. I love it, then I just don’t care about it, then I love it again, then it seems silly to me, then I get inspired again, then I don’t feel like it anymore.
- I am again and again in disbelief that us millennials and gen-z’s still have so many of the same problems in relationships as our parents did and ways of behaviour that seems so primitive. But then again, it might take us humans another few thousand years of evolution to overcome some of the things. At least there is a lot of honesty and facing actual issues amongst millennials and gen-z’s. I am rooting so freaking much for all of us who are adulting at these time. And I am also crossing fingers for our parents to take responsibility for their part.
With Love,
